pseudery
n. intellectual or social pretension or affectation; pseudo-intellectual speech, writing, debate, etc.
literose
adj. pretentiously or affectedly literary
morosoph
n. a learned fool
Language
“What’ll Be the Title?”
O to scuttle from the battle and to settle on an atoll far from brutal mortal neath a wattle portal!
To keep little mottled cattle and to whittle down one’s chattels and not hurtle after brittle yellow metal!
To listen, non-committal, to the anecdotal local tittle-tattle on a settle round the kettle,
Never startled by a rattle more than betel-nuts a-prattle or the myrtle-petals’ subtle throttled chortle!
But I’ll bet that what’ll happen if you footle round an atoll is you’ll get in rotten fettle living totally on turtle, nettles, cuttle-fish or beetles, victuals fatal to the natal élan-vital,
And hit the bottle.
I guess I’d settle
For somewhere ethical and practical like Bootle.
— Justin Richardson
Byplay
In illustrating his Just So Stories, Rudyard Kipling hid messages in the runic characters accompanying some drawings. The tusk above illustrates “How the First Letter Was Written”:
Left side: “This is the stori of Taffimai all ritten out on an old tusk. If u begin at the top left hand corner and go on to the right u can see for urself things as the happened.”
Right side: “The reason that I spell so queerli is becase there are not enough letters in the Runic alphabet for all the ourds that I ouant to use to u o beloved.”
Bottom (barely visible here): “This is the identical tusk on ouich the tale of Taffimai was ritten and etched bi the author.”
The initial “H” at the start of the “Cat That Walked by Himself” hides another message using the same characters: “I, Rudiard Kipling, drew this, but because there was no mutton bone in the house I faked the anatomi from memori.”
“Are these really Runic letters or just an alphabet that Kipling made up for fun?” asked Maj. B.J. Bewley in the Kipling Journal in January 1928. “I think the chief interest lies in the almost boyish pleasure the author plainly took in writing in these strange characters. He must have done it entirely for his own amusement.”
Double Duty
What’s unusual about this limerick?
There was a young lady of Riga,
Who went for a ride on a tiger,
They came back from their ride
With the lady inside
And a smile on the face of the tiger.
It remains a limerick when translated into Latin:
Puella Rigensis ridebat,
Quam tigris in tergo vehebat,
Externa profecta
Interna revecta,
Risusque cum tigre manebat.
Ronald Knox found that the same is true of this one:
There was a young man of Devizes,
Whose ears were of different sizes;
The one that was small
Was no use at all,
But the other won several prizes.
Visas erat; huic geminarum
Dispar modus auricularum:
Minor haec nihili;
Palma triplici
Iam fecerat altera clarum.
In a Word
macrotous
adj. having large ears
capitose
adj. large-headed
dolichoderous
adj. long-necked
ventripotent
adj. having a large belly
dolichopodous
adj. having long feet
sciapodous
adj. “That resembles the Sciapodes; having very large feet.”
Podcast Episode 58: English as She Is Spoke
In 1855 Pedro Carolino decided to write a Portuguese-English phrasebook despite the fact that he didn’t actually speak English. The result is one of the all-time masterpieces of unintentional comedy, a language guide full of phrases like “The ears are too length” and “He has spit in my coat.” In this episode of the Futility Closet podcast we’ll sample Carolino’s phrasebook, which Mark Twain called “supreme and unapproachable.”
We’ll also hear Hamlet’s “to be or not to be” rendered in jargon and puzzle over why a man places an ad before robbing a bank.
Inside Out
Some Morse code “inversions,” sent in by reader Dave Lawrence:
ADMITTED / TIZZY ·- -·· -- ·· - - · -·· (- ·· --·· --·· -·--)
ALLOTTED / TROPHY ·- ·-·· ·-·· --- - - · -·· (- ·-· --- ·--· ···· -·--)
ANIMATED / NAMELY ·- -· ·· -- ·- - · -·· (-· ·- -- · ·-·· -·--)
ATTENTION / DRYEST ·- - - · -· - ·· --- -· (-·· ·-· -·-- · ··· -)
ATTESTED / BONY ·- - - · ··· - · -·· (-··· --- -· -·--)
DEMENTED / JURY -·· · -- · -· - · -·· (·--- ··- ·-· -·--)
DETESTED / AGONY -·· · - · ··· - · -·· (·- --· --- -· -·--)
EMBITTER / DEMOUNT · -- -··· ·· - - · ·-· (-·· · -- --- ··- -· -)
ENTIRETY / COPED, TROWEL · -· - ·· ·-· · - -·-- (-·-· --- ·--· · -··)
ESTEEMED / TOADY · ··· - · · -- · -·· (- --- ·- -·· -·--)
ETERNITY / YAWNED · - · ·-· -· ·· - -·-- (-·-- ·- ·-- -· · -··)
EXTREMEST / TAXATION · -··- - ·-· · -- · ··· - (- ·- -··- ·- - ·· --- -·)
FINNIEST / TYCOON ··-· ·· -· -· ·· · ··· - (- -·-- -·-· --- --- -·)
IDENTITY / GORGED ·· -·· · -· - ·· - -·-- (--· --- ·-· --· · -··)
IMPACTED / GRANARY ·· -- ·--· ·- -·-· - · -·· (--· ·-· ·- -· ·- ·-· -·--)
INTERNEE / GYRO ·· -· - · ·-· -· · · (--· -·-- ·-· ---)
MEDIATED / FOGEY -- · -·· ·· ·- - · -·· (··-· --- --· · -·--)
NAVIGATE / POPPA -· ·- ···- ·· --· ·- - · (·--· --- ·--· ·--· ·-)
NINETEEN / ATTEMPT -· ·· -· · - · · -· (·- - - · -- ·--· -)
NOSTALGIA / LAMENTATION -· --- ··· - ·- ·-·· --· ·· ·- (·-·· ·- -- · -· - ·- - ·· --- -·)
NOVELIST / LAMPOON -· --- ···- · ·-·· ·· ··· - (·-·· ·- -- ·--· --- --- -·)
STATEWIDE / OREGANO ··· - ·- - · ·-- ·· -·· · (--- ·-· · --· ·- -· ---)
TEAMSTER / ADAMANT - · ·- -- ··· - · ·-· (·- -·· ·- -- ·- -· -)
TEETERED / EMPTY - · · - · ·-· · -·· (· -- ·--· - -·--)
TEETERING / ANGORA - · · - · ·-· ·· -· --· (·- -· --· --- ·-· ·-)
TITTERED / PANTY - ·· - - · ·-· · -·· (·--· ·- -· - -·--)
TOUGHEST / SPITTOON - --- ··- --· ···· · ··· - (··· ·--· ·· - - --- --- -·)
TUCKERED / PARTWAY - ··- -·-· -·- · ·-· · -·· (·--· ·- ·-· - ·-- ·- -·--)
UPMARKET / QUICKEN ··- ·--· -- ·- ·-· -·- · - (--·- ··- ·· -·-· -·- · -·)
WHITENED / DOORMAT ·-- ···· ·· - · -· · -·· (-·· --- --- ·-· -- ·- -)
WINNOWED / NAKEDLY ·-- ·· -· -· --- ·-- · -·· (-· ·- -·- · -·· ·-·· -·--)
Also, and apropos of nothing, every date this week is a palindrome when written in the American month-day-year format:
5/10/15
5/11/15
5/12/15
5/13/15
5/14/15
5/15/15
5/16/15
This continues into next Tuesday. (Thanks, Lane.)
Local Color
Unusual names recorded in the American South by University of Florida linguist Thomas Pyles, 1986:
- Oleander Lafayette Fitzgerald III
- Ed Ek
- Shellie Swilley
- Early Hawaiian McKinnon
- Sandy Gandy
- Earl Curl Jr.
- Percy Nursey
- Rev. Fay de Sha
- Lovie Slappey
- Esperanza Le Socke
- Pamela Gay Day
- Staff-Sgt. Mehogany Brewer
- Girlie Burns
- Fawn Grey Trawick Dunkle
- Alure Sweat
- Bloomer Bedenbaugh
- Martha Magdalene Toot
- Okla Bobo
- Melody Clinkenbeard
Cowboy Pink Williams served as lieutenant governor of Oklahoma from 1955 to 1959. And “The children of Mr. Stanford Bardwell, a realtor and a graduate of Louisiana State University, and his wife Loyola, are Stanford, Jr., Harvard, Princeton, Cornell, Auburn, and the twins Duke and T’lane. When the Bardwells go on holiday they travel in a specially equipped school bus called the ‘Collegiate Caravan.'”
(Thomas Pyles, “Bible Belt Onomastics or Some Curiosities of Anti-Pedobaptist Nomenclature,” in Names and Their Varieties, American Name Society, 1986.) See Roll Call and Pink Labels.
In a Word
forwallowed
adj. wearied with tossing about
Misterioso
In his 1772 Treatise on the Art of Decyphering, Philip Thicknesse suggests a scheme for hiding messages in musical compositions:
At the bottom of the page is an example. “If a musick-master be required to play it, he will certainly think it an odd, as well as a very indifferent, composition; but neither he, or any other person, will suspect that the notes convey also the two following harmonious lines from Dr. Goldsmith’s poem The Deserted Village“:
Near yonder cops where once the garden smil’d,
And still where many a garden-flower grows wild.
Thicknesse suggests that two players might even use this scheme to carry on a conversation in real time. “It is certain that two musicians might, by a very little application, carry on a correspondence with their instruments: they are all in possession of the seven notes, which express a, b, c, d, e, f, g; and know by ear exactly, when either of those notes are toned; and they are only to settle a correspondence of tones, for the remaining part of the alphabet; and thus a little practice, might enable two fiddlers to carry on a correspondence, which would greatly astonish those who did not know how how the matter was conducted. Indeed this is no more than what is called dactlylogy, or talking on the fingers, which I have seen done, and understood as quick, and readily almost, as common conversation.”