A Wide Vocabulary

Doug Nufer’s 2004 novel Never Again is aptly named — in 202 pages he never uses the same word twice. Here’s the first sentence:

When the racetrack closed forever I had to get a job.

And here’s the last (and the moral):

Worldly bookmaker soulmates rectify unfair circumstance’s recurred tragedies, ever-moving, ever-hedging shifty playabilities since chances say someone will be for ever closing racetracks.

It’s an example of an Oulipo exercise in constrained writing — here’s another.

| Language · Literature

Garage Talk

In 1950, General Motors condensed the sounds of car trouble into seven types:

  • The Rattle. A series of hard, sharp sounds in rapid succession, like a hard object being shaken around in a metal container. This noise usually indicates a loose or broken part striking against another.
  • The Thump. A dull sound, generally made when a soft part strikes against a hard part. An example is the noise made by a deflated tire on the road.
  • The Squeak. A sharp, shrill, piercing noise, generally made by two dry metal parts rubbing together. The sound may be sharp and erratic, or drawn out — a squeal. Lack of lubrication causes many squeaks.
  • The Grind. This is a continuous crushing sound like a part being crushed between two revolving parts. Such a sound might come from the transmission.
  • The Knock. This is a sharper and more distinct sound than a thump. It’s generally associated with a loose rod or crankshaft bearing. (Not to be confused with the “knock” or ping of a laboring engine.)
  • The Scrape. A grating or harsh rubbing sound, often made by two pieces of material rubbing together. The sound of a dragging brake could be described as a scrape.
  • The Hiss. This is like escaping air or steam or the sound of water on a hot metal part.

The idea was to simplify conversations between mechanics and customers. “Besides telling what the noise is, the driver is expected to report where it comes from and when it happened,” explained Popular Science. “With this report, the mechanic has a good start toward learning why it happened.”

| Language · Technology

“A Fat Woman Questions Her Thin Friend”

A girl to B stylish must C zippers close,
D vote E qual F fort keeping buttons in rows.
G, I tried many diets, but H ievement was poor
I was J ded, o K , when I came to her door.
I said, “L egant lady, M bodying graces,
How did you N O ble (reduce) hippy places?
Please don’t be P vish, but answer on Q—
R special S sences T eeming in U?”
“No,” she said, V ehement, “No more W!
X ercise and good eating—that is Y I am trim:
And I’m Z ro doubtful you too can be slim!”

— Lyn Coffin

| Language · Poems

Double-Take

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Avenue_Road_Sign.jpg

In Britain this wouldn’t be redundant — in British English an avenue is a row of trees.

Unfortunately, that’s not so in Toronto, where Avenue Road is a major thoroughfare.

Local journalist Robert Fulford called it “an identity crisis with pavement.”

| Language · Oddities