“College isn’t the place to go for ideas.” — Helen Keller
n. a retreat for times of ill humor
The shortest word containing six unique vowels in alphabetical order is facetiously.
Subcontinental has them in reverse order.
v. to criticize beyond sphere of one’s knowledge
Excerpts from the Dictionary of the Vulgar Tongue: A Dictionary of Buckish Slang, University Wit, and Pickpocket Eloquence, by Captain Grose (1811):
- ADMIRAL OF THE NARROW SEAS. One who from drunkenness vomits into the lap of the person sitting opposite to him.
- ANGLING FOR FARTHINGS. Begging out of a prison window with a cap, or box, let down at the end of a long string.
- APPLE DUMPLIN SHOP. A woman’s bosom.
- BACK GAMMON PLAYER. A sodomite.
- DUCK F-CK-R. The man who has the care of the poultry on board a ship of war.
- GREEN GOWN. To give a girl a green gown; to tumble her on the grass.
- HEMPEN WIDOW. One whose husband was hanged.
- HISTORY OF THE FOUR KINGS, or CHILD’S BEST GUIDE TO THE GALLOWS. A pack of cards.
- MANOEUVRING THE APOSTLES. Robbing Peter to pay Paul, i.e. borrowing of one man to pay another.
- PISS PROPHET. A physician who judges of the diseases of his patients solely by the inspection of their urine.
- SON OF PRATTLEMENT. A lawyer.
And a THOROUGH-GOOD-NATURED WENCH is “one who being asked to sit down, will lie down.”
n. a view stubbornly held even when shown to be wrong
Euphemisms for vomiting:
- Number three
- Launching lunch
- Jackson Pollock
- Eating backwards
- Parking the tiger
- Making a crustless pizza
- Bringing it up for a vote
- Cooking up a pavement pizza
- Driving the Buick to Europe
- Alan’s psychedelic breakfast
- Yawning for the hearing impaired
- Yodelling to the porcelain megaphone
- Talking to God on the big white telephone
- Paying homage to the Irishman Huey O’Rourke
- Calling Huey (or Ralph) on the commode-a-phone
Also: horking, yakking, yarfing, yorxing. “Grasp the subject,” wrote Cato, “the words will follow.”
n. one who describes or writes about snobs
The Anagrammy Awards is a monthly anagram competition. March winners:
- THE CRIME INVESTIGATOR = HE INTERROGATES VICTIM
- A TRAINED SUSHI CHEF = HE’S A TUNA-FISH DICER
- ASTEROID THREATS = DISASTER TO EARTH
My favorite from the hall of fame — this:
TO BE OR NOT TO BE: THAT IS THE QUESTION; WHETHER ‘TIS NOBLER IN THE MIND TO SUFFER THE SLINGS AND ARROWS OF OUTRAGEOUS FORTUNE
can be rearranged to spell
IN ONE OF THE BARD’S BEST-THOUGHT-OF TRAGEDIES, OUR INSISTENT HERO, HAMLET, QUERIES ON TWO FRONTS ABOUT HOW LIFE TURNS ROTTEN.
Can’t beat that.
n. bad handwriting; poor spelling