Subtract Line 55 From Line 45

Judge Learned Hand on the U.S. income tax code, writing in the Yale Law Journal, December 1947:

In my own case the words of such an act as the Income Tax … merely dance before my eyes in a meaningless procession: cross-reference to cross-reference, exception upon exception — couched in abstract terms that offer [me] no handle to seize hold of [and that] leave in my mind only a confused sense of some vitally important, but successfully concealed, purport, which it is my duty to extract, but which is within my power, if at all, only after the most inordinate expenditure of time. I know that these monsters are the result of fabulous industry and ingenuity, plugging up this hole and casting out that net, against all possible evasion; yet at times I cannot help recalling a saying of William James about certain passages of Hegel: that they were no doubt written with a passion of rationality; but that one cannot help wondering whether to the reader they have any significance save that the words are strung together with syntactical correctness.

Even Albert Einstein, who died trying to find a generalized theory of gravitation, wrote, “The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax.”

Guaranteed Turnout

Countries with compulsory voting:

Argentina, Australia, Austria, Belgium, Bolivia, Brazil, Chile, Congo, Costa Rica, Cyprus, Dominican Republic, Ecuador, Egypt, El Salvador, Fiji, Greece, Honduras, Lebanon, Libya, Liechtenstein, Luxembourg, Madagascar, Mexico, Nauru, Panama, Paraguay, Philippines, Singapore, Thailand, Turkey, Uruguay, Venezuela

New Year Be Damned

Jonathan Swift’s “Resolutions — When I Come to Be Old”:

  • Not to Marry a young Woman.
  • Keep young Company unless they reely desire it.
  • Be peevish or morose, or suspicious.
  • Scorn present Ways, or Wits, or Fashions, or Men, or War, &c.
  • Be fond of Children, or let them come near me hardly.
  • Tell the same Story over and over to the same People.
  • Be covetous.
  • Neglect decency, or cleenlyness, for fear of falling into Nastyness.
  • Be over severe with young People, but give Allowances for their youthfull follyes, and Weeknesses.
  • Be influenced by, or give ear to knavish tatling Servants, or others.
  • Be too free of advise nor trouble any but those that desire it.
  • Desire some good Friends to inform me which of these Resolutions I break, or neglect, & wherein; and reform accordingly.
  • Talk much, nor of my self.
  • Boast of my former beauty, or strength, or favor with Ladyes, &c.
  • Hearken to Flatteryes, nor conceive I can be beloved by a young woman.
  • Be positive or opiniative.
  • Sett up for observing all these Rules, for fear I should observe none.

The Sky Falls Again

Remember the Y2K crisis? We thought society was going to collapse because we hadn’t trained our computers for the future.

Well, it’s going to happen again. We’re going to run out of Social Security numbers.

Your number is unique; it’s not recycled when you die. About a billion numbers are possible, but we’ve been assigning them since 1936 and we’ve already used up about a third of the possibilities. According to some estimates we could run out by 2075.

What happens then? Who knows? But if our government collapses, head to South Korea: Their social security numbers give access to online video games.

Anonymous Identities

“John Doe” in other countries:

  • Australia: Fred Nurk
  • Austria: Hans Meier
  • Belgium: Jan Janssen
  • Colombia: Fulano de Tal
  • Croatia: Ivan Horvat
  • Czech Republic: Josef Novák
  • Estonia: Jaan Tamm
  • France: Jean Dupont
  • Guatemala: Juan Perez
  • Italy: Mario Rossi
  • Lithuania: Vardenis Pavardenis
  • Malta: Joe Borg
  • New Zealand: Joe Bloggs
  • Philippines: Juan dela Cruz
  • Poland: Jan Kowalski
  • Romania: Ion Popescu
  • Slovenia: Janez Novak
  • South Africa: Koos van der Merwe

In the United States, John Doe is always the defendant. An anonymous plaintiff is Richard Roe.

Snap, Crackle, Pop

The sound of Rice Krispies in other languages:

  • Finnish: “Riks! Raks! Poks!”
  • French: “Cric! Crac! Croc!”
  • German: “Knisper! Knasper! Knusper!”
  • Swedish: “Piff! Paff! Puff!”
  • Spanish: “Pim! Pum! Pam!”

In 2002, pollster Kellyanne Conway found that most Americans could name the three elves but could not name any three of the nine sitting Supreme Court justices.

The Flynn Effect

Are we getting smarter? IQ scores around the world have been going up by about three IQ points per decade.

Suggested reasons include improved nutrition, smaller families, better education, and the stimulating modern environment, but no one really knows what’s causing it.

It’s called the Flynn effect, after New Zealand political scientist who discovered it.

Miles v. City Council of Augusta, Georgia

If you’re going to exhibit a talking cat in Georgia, you need a business license, according to a court ruling in 1981. Carl and Elaine Miles had been presenting Blackie the Talking Cat to passersby in Augusta; Blackie would meow “I love you” or “I want my mama,” and the onlookers would give small change to the Mileses.

They objected to the license requirement, saying that the law violated their right to free speech and that it didn’t mention talking animals. But they lost the case in district court in 1982, and an appeals court upheld the decision:

This Court will not hear a claim that Blackie’s right to free speech has been infringed. First, although Blackie arguably possesses a very unusual ability, he cannot be considered a “person” and is therefore not protected by the Bill of Rights. Second, even if Blackie had such a right, we see no need for appellants to assert his right jus tertii.

The court added, “Blackie can clearly speak for himself.”

Petroleum V. Nasby on “The Woman Question”

  • From the begining woman has occupied a dependent position, and has been only what man has made her. The Turks, logical fellows, denied her a soul, and made of her an object of barter and sale; the American Indians made of her a beast of burden. In America, since we extended the area of civilization by butchering the Indians, we have copied both.
  • The inferiority of the sex is easy of demonstration. It has been said that the mother forms the character of the man so long, that the proposition has become axiomatic. If this be true, we can crush those who prate of the equality of women, by holding up to the gaze of the world the inferior men she has produced. Look at the Congress of the United States.
  • My friend is learned. She has a tolerable knowledge of Greek, is an excellent Latin scholar, and as she has read the Constitution of the United States, she excels in political lore the majority of our representatives in Congress. But nevertheless I protest against her voting for several reasons:
    1. She cannot sing bass! Her voice, as Dr. Bushnell justly observes in his blessed book, is pitched higher than the male voice, which indicates feminine weakness of mind.
    2. Her form is graceful rather than strong.
    3. She delights in millinery goods.
    4. She can’t grow whiskers.

— Satirical lyceum speaker Petroleum Vesuvius Nasby, “The Struggles of a Conservative with the Woman Question,” 1868