Nimrod, Minnesota
Image: Wikimedia Commons)

Unfortunate place names:

  • Accident, Maryland
  • Big Ugly Wilderness Area, West Virginia
  • Difficult, Tennessee
  • Effort, Pennsylvania
  • Foulness, Essex, England
  • Hell For Certain, Kentucky
  • Hole in the Ground, Oregon
  • Nothing, Arizona
  • Pity Me, County Durham, England
  • Toadsuck, Texas

Niemyje-Zabki, Poland, means “He is not cleaning his teeth.”

Luddite by Degrees

Douglas Adams’ “rules that describe our reactions to technologies”:

  1. Anything that is in the world when you’re born is normal and ordinary and is just a natural part of the way the world works.
  2. Anything that’s invented between when you’re 15 and 35 is new and exciting and revolutionary and you can probably get a career in it.
  3. Anything invented after you’re 35 is against the natural order of things.


After years of work, some programmers unveil a new supercomputer. They say it knows everything.

A skeptical man asks the computer, “Where is my father?”

The computer thinks, then says, “Your father is fishing in Michigan.”

The man laughs. “See? I knew this was nonsense. My father has been dead for 20 years.”

“No,” the computer says. “Your mother’s husband has been dead for 20 years. Your father just landed a three-pound trout.”


Sound effects created by MAD cartoonist Don Martin:

  • CHONK KRAKLE GLUK: man eating glass
  • FFFFOOOOOOOO: Frankenstein exhaling
  • FIDIP-FIDIP: ant boxing a cow’s udder
  • FLIFFLAFF: Dracula opening his cape
  • FLOON: atomic blast at Ground Zero
  • FOOWOOM: flamethrower scorching condemned man
  • FWAP: construction worker slapping sign out of a hippie’s hand
  • FWEE: hat flying off the head of a man reacting to a horror comic
  • FWUMP: werewolf being caught by a dogcatcher
  • GARUNK GASPLOOSH GARUNK GASPLOOSH: Indian pumping water out of cactus
  • GEEEN: Plasticman giving a guy on the 32nd floor the finger
  • KLANG: water skier’s head hitting armored truck
  • KLOONK KA-DOONK: blind man and seeing eye dog walking into pole
  • KOONG: man getting hit in head with wheelbarrow full of cement
  • KWONK: Mary Worth getting punched out for not minding her own business
  • NOT-A-SOUND: Indian running through woods
  • ZWEECH: The Phantom closing the zipper on his purple bodysuit

PITTWEEN SPLATCH THORK BLOOF THLIK GLITCH GLUTCH PITTWOON PLAF PLOOF SPLITCH THUK THAP PLOOP is the sound of a bullet ricocheting off a ceiling, through six heads, off a wall, then through six more heads.

Image Problem

Actual names of politicians in the state of Meghalaya, India:

  • Adolf Lu Hitler Marak
  • Lenin R. Marak
  • Stalin L. Nangmin
  • Frankenstein W. Momin
  • Tony Curtis Lyngdoh

Hitler Marak told the Hindustan Times: “Maybe my parents liked the name and hence christened me Hitler. … I am happy with my name, although I don’t have any dictatorial tendencies.”

How Fat Is She?

Your momma is so fat …

  • her ass has its own congressman.
  • when she dances she makes the band skip.
  • her belt size is “equator.”
  • she was baptized in tartar sauce.
  • her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard.
  • it took five UFOs to abduct her.
  • she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.
  • when she steps on the scales it says NEXT AXLE.
  • she eats Wheat Thicks.
  • her blood type is Ragu.
  • she whistles bass.