I never saw a Purple Cow,
I never hope to see one;
But I can tell you, anyhow,
I’d rather see than be one.
That’s “Purple Cow,” written in 1895 by Berkeley drafting instructor Gelett Burgess. It grew so popular that it began to haunt him; eventually he wrote “Confession: And a Portrait Too, Upon a Background That I Rue”:
Ah yes, I wrote the Purple Cow,
I’m sorry now I wrote it.
But I can tell you anyhow,
I’ll kill you if you quote it.
Unfortunate place names:
Niemyje-Zabki, Poland, means “He is not cleaning his teeth.”
Douglas Adams’ “rules that describe our reactions to technologies”:
After years of work, some programmers unveil a new supercomputer. They say it knows everything.
A skeptical man asks the computer, “Where is my father?”
The computer thinks, then says, “Your father is fishing in Michigan.”
The man laughs. “See? I knew this was nonsense. My father has been dead for 20 years.”
“No,” the computer says. “Your mother’s husband has been dead for 20 years. Your father just landed a three-pound trout.”
Make your own wanted poster at glassgiant.com.
“The embarrassing thing is that the salad dressing is out-grossing my films.” — Paul Newman
Sound effects created by MAD cartoonist Don Martin:
PITTWEEN SPLATCH THORK BLOOF THLIK GLITCH GLUTCH PITTWOON PLAF PLOOF SPLITCH THUK THAP PLOOP is the sound of a bullet ricocheting off a ceiling, through six heads, off a wall, then through six more heads.
Actual names of politicians in the state of Meghalaya, India:
Hitler Marak told the Hindustan Times: “Maybe my parents liked the name and hence christened me Hitler. … I am happy with my name, although I don’t have any dictatorial tendencies.”
Werner Heisenberg gets pulled over for speeding.
The cop says, “Do you know how fast you were going?”
Heisenberg says, “No, but I know where I am.”
