Watch Your Step

http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Duck_of_Vaucanson.jpg

Vaucanson’s Shitting Duck was one of the more unsavory products of the French Enlightenment.

When it was unveiled by Jacques de Vaucanson in 1739, thousands watched the “canard digérateur” stretch its neck to eat grain from a hand. The food then dissolved, “the matter digested in the stomach being conducted by tubes, as in an animal by its bowels, into the anus, where there is a sphincter which permits it to be released.” These inner workings were all proudly displayed, “though some ladies preferred to see them decently covered.”

Why make fake duck shit when the world is so well supplied with the real thing? It was part of the Enlightenment’s transition from a naturalistic to a mechanical worldview. Suddenly a duck was not a God-given miracle but a machine made of meat, and complex automatons carried the promise of mechanized labor, stirring a cultural revolution.

Goethe mentioned Vaucanson’s automata in his diary, and Sir David Brewster called the duck “perhaps the most wonderful piece of mechanism ever made.” Sadly, the whole thing was a fake: The droppings were prefabricated and hidden in a separate compartment. Back to the drawing board.

Uffia

http://sxc.hu/browse.phtml?f=view&id=272246

When sporgles spanned the floreate mead
And cogwogs gleet upon the lea,
Uffia gopped to meet her love
Who smeeged upon the equat sea.
Dately she walked aglost the sand;
The boreal wind seet in her face;
The moggling waves yalped at her feet;
Pangwangling was her pace.

— Harriet R. White

Woof

http://sxc.hu/browse.phtml?f=view&id=28706

Dog barks around the world:

  • English: woof, woof
  • Albanian: ham, ham
  • Arabic: haw, haw
  • Bulgarian: bau, bau
  • Danish: vov, vov
  • Estonian: auh, auh
  • Farsi: vogh, vogh
  • Finnish: hau, hau
  • French: ouaf, ouaf
  • German: wau, wau
  • Greek: gav, gav
  • Hindi: bho, bho
  • Icelandic: voff, voff
  • Italian: bau, bau
  • Japanese: wan, wan
  • Korean: mung, mung
  • Latvian: vau, vau
  • Mandarin Chinese: wang, wang
  • Norwegian: voff, voff
  • Polish: hau, hau
  • Romanian: ham, ham
  • Russian: gav, gav
  • Spanish: guau, guau
  • Swedish: voff, voff
  • Thai: hoang, hoang

Robert Benchley wrote, “A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.”

Busy Airports

http://sxc.hu/browse.phtml?f=view&id=94013

World’s busiest airports:

  1. Atlanta
  2. Chicago
  3. London
  4. Tokyo
  5. Los Angeles
  6. Dallas
  7. Frankfurt
  8. Paris
  9. Amsterdam
  10. Denver

Actually, it depends on how you measure busyness. Atlanta serves the most passengers each year, but Chicago has the most arrivals and departures. Frankfurt serves the most international destinations, but Heathrow handles the most international passengers. And Memphis, home of FedEx, handles the most cargo traffic.

They fight over this, but I don’t see why. Who would prefer a busy airport?

How Fat Is She?

Your momma is so fat …

  • her ass has its own congressman.
  • when she dances she makes the band skip.
  • her belt size is “equator.”
  • she was baptized in tartar sauce.
  • her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard.
  • it took five UFOs to abduct her.
  • she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.
  • when she steps on the scales it says NEXT AXLE.
  • she eats Wheat Thicks.
  • her blood type is Ragu.
  • she whistles bass.

Earnings

Occupations with highest median earnings:

  1. Physicians and surgeons
  2. Dentists
  3. Chief executives
  4. Podiatrists
  5. Lawyers
  6. Engineering managers
  7. Optometrists
  8. Petroleum engineers
  9. Natural sciences managers
  10. Actuaries

Lowest median earnings:

  1. Dishwashers
  2. Counter attendants, food concession
  3. Child-care workers
  4. Maids and housekeeping cleaners
  5. Dining room, cafeteria attendants, bartender helpers
  6. Food preparation workers
  7. Teacher assistants
  8. Restaurant hosts, hostesses
  9. Food prep and serving workers
  10. Waiters and waitresses