The Pied Piper

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The pied piper is not just a fairy tale. Something specific and terrible appears to have happened in the German town of Hamelin on June 26, 1284. What it was is uncertain, but it seems to have claimed the town’s children, perhaps in a mass drowning, burial, epidemic or exodus. An inscription from 1603 reads:

Anno 1284 am dage Johannis et Pauli
war der 26. junii
Dorch einen piper mit allerlei farve bekledet
gewesen CXXX kinder verledet binnen Hamelen gebo[re]n
to calvarie bi den koppen verloren

In the year of 1284, on John’s and Paul’s day
was the 26th of June
By a piper, dressed in all kinds of colors,
130 children born in Hamelin were seduced
and lost at the place of execution near the Koppen
.

Rats weren’t added to the story until the late 16th century. The site of the children’s disappearance, on Coppenbrugge mountain, is now a site of pagan worship, and a law forbids singing and music in one street of Hamelin, out of respect for the victims … though we may never know what their fate was.

Sea Monks

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In his Annales, English antiquarian John Stow describes the capture of a sea monster in the shape of a man, in 1187:

“Neere unto Orforde in Suffolke, certaine Fishers of the sea tooke in their nettes a Fish having the shape of a man in all pointes, which Fish was kept by Barlemew de Glanville, Custos of the castle of Orforde, in the same castle, by the space of six monthes, and more, for a wonder: He spake not a word. All manner of meates he gladly did eate, but more greedilie raw fishe, after he had crushed out all the moisture. Oftentimes he was brought to the Church where he showed no tokens of adoration. At length, when he was not well looked to, he stale away to the sea and never after appeared.”

The creature was not fish-tailed, but had a bald head, the body of a man, a beard and a very hairy chest. What was it really? A giant squid? A walrus? An angel shark? We’ll never know.

Oh, Terrific

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Cockroaches are some of the hardiest insects on the planet. They can survive without food for a month, and can live without their heads for up to a week. They can hold their breath for 45 minutes, and they have a very high resistance to radiation.

And they make group decisions.

Mount St. Helens

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National Geographic photographer Reid Blackburn’s car after the eruption of Mount St. Helens, May 18, 1980. The lava would have been about 680°F when it reached him.

In all, the eruption equaled 27,000 Hiroshima-sized atomic bombs. It killed 57 people, 1,500 elk, 5,000 deer, and 11 million fish.

When a film crew was dropped by helicopter on the mountain five days later, its compasses spun in circles.

Oxymora

“Military intelligence,” said Groucho, “is a contradiction in terms.” Other examples:

  • Almost exactly
  • Detailed summary
  • Dry lake
  • Elevated subway
  • Exact estimate
  • Found missing
  • Guest host
  • Limited omniscience
  • Liquid gas
  • Local long distance
  • Mandatory options
  • Neoconservatism
  • Only choice
  • Open secret
  • Original copy
  • Virtual reality
  • Wireless cable

Also: Dodge Ram.