Well, Hey!

How to Cure Cancer. — Boil down the inner bark of red and white oak to the consistency of molasses; apply as a plaster, shifting it once a week; or, burn red-oak bark to ashes; sprinkle it on the sore till it is eaten out; then apply a plaster of tar; or, take garget berries and leaves of stramonium; simmer them together in equal parts of neatsfoot oil and the tops of hemlock; mix well together, and apply it to the parts affected; at the same time make a tea of winter-green (root and branch); put a handful into two quarts of water; add two ounces of sulphur and drink of this tea freely during the day.

Barkham Burroughs’ Encyclopaedia of Astounding Facts and Useful Information, 1889

Self-Help

Benjamin Franklin’s “13 virtues,” which he devised for “the bold and arduous project of arriving at moral perfection”:

  1. TEMPERANCE. Eat not to dullness; drink not to elevation.
  2. SILENCE. Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself; avoid trifling conversation.
  3. ORDER. Let all your things have their places; let each part of your business have its time.
  4. RESOLUTION. Resolve to perform what you ought; perform without fail what you resolve.
  5. FRUGALITY. Make no expense but to do good to others or yourself; i.e., waste nothing.
  6. INDUSTRY. Lose no time; be always employ’d in something useful; cut off all unnecessary actions.
  7. SINCERITY. Use no hurtful deceit; think innocently and justly, and, if you speak, speak accordingly.
  8. JUSTICE. Wrong none by doing injuries, or omitting the benefits that are your duty.
  9. MODERATION. Avoid extreams; forbear resenting injuries so much as you think they deserve.
  10. CLEANLINESS. Tolerate no uncleanliness in body, cloaths, or habitation.
  11. TRANQUILLITY. Be not disturbed at trifles, or at accidents common or unavoidable.
  12. CHASTITY. Rarely use venery but for health or offspring, never to dulness, weakness, or the injury of your own or another’s peace or reputation.
  13. HUMILITY. Imitate Jesus and Socrates.

“It may be well my posterity should be informed that to this little artifice, with the blessing of God, their ancestor ow’d the constant felicity of his life, down to his 79th year, in which this is written.”

Trick Mules Puzzle

Sam Loyd was only 17 when his “Trick Mules Puzzle” swept the country in 1858. He finally sold it to P.T. Barnum for $10,000.

Print this page and cut out the three pieces along the dashed lines. Now arrange them so that it looks like each jockey is riding a mule. You may overlap the pieces, but you mustn’t fold them.

It’s harder than it looks.

http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Sam_Loyd%27s_Trick_Donkeys.gif

Unquote

“helen write anna george will give helen apple simpson will shoot bird jack will give helen stick of candy doctor will give mildred medicine mother will make mildred new dress”

– A letter from Helen Keller to a cousin, three and a half months after Annie Sullivan came to teach her

Flying Dutchman

“At 4:00 a.m., the Flying Dutchman crossed our bows. A strange red light as of a phantom ship all aglow, in the midst of which light the masts, spars, and sails of a brig 200 yards distant stood out in strong relief as she came up on the port bow.”

– Prince Albert Victor, duke of Clarence, aboard H.M.S. Inconstant, July 11, 1881.
Thirteen officers and men saw the object, whatever it was, as did the crews of the corvettes Tourmaline and Cleopatra.

Nice Going

Four light aircraft have been flown under the St. Louis arch.

In 1980, Kenneth Swyers tried to parachute onto the span, hoping to jump back off and land on the ground. He slid all the way down one leg and died.

“Against stupidity,” wrote Schiller, “the gods themselves contend in vain.”

Okay, the Second-Greatest

A flight attendant once asked Muhammad Ali to fasten his seat belt.

Ali said, “Superman don’t need no seat belt.”

The attendant replied, “Superman don’t need no airplane, either.”

A Barman’s Field Guide

“Eight Degrees of Drunkenness”:

  1. The Ape-drunk, who leaps and sings and hollers
  2. The Lion-drunk, who is quarrelsome and rude
  3. The Swine-drunk, who is sleepy and lumpish
  4. The Sheep-drunk, wise in his own conceit, but unable to speak
  5. The Maudlin-drunk, who declares he loves all mankind
  6. The Martin-drunk, who drinks himself sober again
  7. The Goat-drunk, who is lascivious
  8. The Fox-drunk, who is crafty, like the Dutch, who bargain when drunk

– Thomas Nash, 1592

Diet of the Desk Worker

http://www.gutenberg.org/files/18097/18097-h/18097-h.htm

Just how much food the brain worker needs is a question which has not yet been decided. In general it appears that a man or a woman whose occupation is what we call sedentary, who is without vigorous exercise and does but little hard muscular work, needs much less than the man at hard manual labor, and that the brain worker needs comparatively little of carbohydrates or fats.

Many physicians, physiologists and students of hygiene have become convinced that well-to-do people, whose work is mental rather than physical, eat too much; that the diet of people of this class as a whole is one-sided as well as excessive, and that the principal evil is the use of too much fat, starch and sugar.

Public School Domestic Science by Mrs. J. Hoodless, 1898

In a Word

callipygous
adj. having beautiful buttocks