Futility Closet

A puzzle by Isaac Asimov:

“Name a common English word that contains somewhere in it, at the beginning, end, or middle, the three letters U-F-A in that order.”

I’ll withhold the answer. There’s no trick — it’s an ordinary English word.

Marie Curie’s laboratory papers are still so radioactive that they’re kept in lead-lined boxes.

Researchers who consult them must agree to work at their own risk.

Hiram de Witt, of this town, who has recently returned from California, brought with him a piece of the auriferous quartz rock, of about the size of a man’s fist. On thanksgiving day it was brought out for exhibition to a friend, when it accidentally dropped on the floor, and split open. Near the centre of the mass was discovered, firmly embedded in the quartz, and slightly corroded, a cut-iron nail of the size of a sixpenny nail. It was entirely straight, and had a perfect head. By whom was that nail made? At what period was it planted in the yet uncrystallized quartz? How came it in California? If the head of that nail could talk, we should know something more of American history than we are ever likely to know.

– “Springfield (U.S.) Republican,” quoted in The Latter-Day Saints’ Millennial Star, March 1, 1852

Say aloud:

Whittle it a little, it’ll fit.

A noisy noise annoys a noisy Noyes.

The Icelandic sentence Barbara Ara bar Ara araba bara rabbabara, besides being fun to say, is spelled with only three letters. It means “Barbara, daughter of Ari, brought only rhubarb to Ari the Arab.” (Thanks, Sigurður.)

This is clever — in 1974 Cecil Slemp invented shoes with reversed soles, to leave footprints that point in the opposite direction.

So now your bloody tracks will lead to the murder scene.

Glenn Miller’s 1940 hit “PEnnsylvania 6-5000″ refers to the telephone number of the Hotel Pennsylvania in New York City, where Miller’s orchestra often played.

It still works: 212-736-5000 is the hotel’s main number.

9⁵ + 2⁵ + 7⁵ + 2⁵ + 7⁵ = 92727

The bood is beabig brighdly, love;
The sdars are shidig too;
While I ab gazing dreabily,
Add thigkig, love, of you.
You caddot, oh! you caddot kdow,
By darlig, how I biss you–
(Oh, whadt a fearful cold I’ve got! –
Ck-tish-u! Ck-ck-tish-u!)

I’b sittig id the arbor, love,
Where you sat by by side,
Whed od that calb, autubdal dight
You said you’d be by bride.
Oh! for wud bobedt to caress
Add tederly to kiss you;
Budt do! we’re beddy biles apart–
(Ho-rash-o! Ck-ck-tish-u!)

This charbig evedig brigs to bide
The tibe whed first we bet:
It seebs budt odly yesterday;
I thigk I see you yet.
Oh! tell be, ab I sdill your owd?
By hopes — oh, do dot dash theb!
(Codfoud by cold, ’tis gettig worse—
Ck-tish-u! Ck-ck-thrash-eb!)

Good-by, by darlig Bary Jade!
The bid-dight hour is dear;
Add it is hardly wise, by love,
For be to ligger here.
The heavy dews are fallig fast:
A fod good-dight I wish you.
(Ho-rash-o! — there it is agaid –
Ck-thrash-ub! Ck-ck-tish-u!)

– Charles Follen Adams

“No man who ever held the office of president would congratulate a friend on obtaining it.” — John Adams

Solution to Government Work:

No. When Bill returns to the house, he’ll have counted the same number of pedestrians as Andy. Walking the street hastens his contact with some pedestrians, but it delays others.

(Adapted from Ya Perelman, Figures for Fun, 1979.)