Unbelievers

Modern atheists:

  • Douglas Adams
  • Woody Allen
  • Isaac Asimov
  • Dave Barry
  • Ricky Gervais
  • Paul Giamatti
  • Nadine Gordimer
  • Katharine Hepburn
  • Billy Joel
  • Ian McEwan
  • Ian McKellen
  • Harold Pinter
  • Kurt Vonnegut

“Atheism,” said George Carlin, “is a non-prophet organization.”

A CENT TIP = PITTANCE

Anagrams:

THE NUDIST COLONY = NO UNTIDY CLOTHES
A SENTENCE OF DEATH = FACES ONE AT THE END
AN AISLE = IS A LANE
IS PITY LOVE? = POSITIVELY
CIRCUMSTANTIAL EVIDENCE = CAN RUIN A SELECTED VICTIM
CABARET = A BAR, ETC.
THE ENCYCLOPAEDIA BRITANNICA = A DICTIONARY CAN BE ELEPHANTIC
GREYHOUND = HEY, DOG, RUN!
H.M.S. PINAFORE = NAME FOR SHIP
COMMITTEES = COST ME TIME
HEARTHSTONES = HEAT’S THRONES
THE DAWNING = NIGHT WANED
A STRIP-TEASER = ATTIRE SPARSE

Sins of Omission

A Queens College teacher left a note on his classroom door:

PROFESSOR TOBIN WILL NOT MEET HIS CLASSES TODAY.

He later noticed that a student had erased the first letter in CLASSES.

So he erased the second letter as well.

Just Say No

In May 1797, William Maddison, of Sunderland, very much intoxicated, being warned by the bye-standers not to leap off the Quay into a Keel, which he was meditating; he replied with a volley of oaths, that he would go to hell in a flying leap: he instantly jumped off, and his breast having struck against the gunnel, caused his instant death.

Kirby’s Wonderful and Scientific Museum, 1803

Guy Talk

Clement Atlee was using the urinal in the House of Commons one day when Winston Churchill took up a position at the opposite end.

“Feeling standoffish today, are we, Winston?” Atlee asked.

“That’s right,” Churchill said. “Every time you see something big, you want to nationalize it.”