Your momma is so fat …

• her ass has its own congressman.
• when she dances she makes the band skip.
• her belt size is “equator.”
• she was baptized in tartar sauce.
• her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard.
• it took five UFOs to abduct her.
• she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.
• when she steps on the scales it says NEXT AXLE.
• she eats Wheat Thicks.
• her blood type is Ragu.
• she whistles bass.