English history as reported by American schoolchildren in 1887, from Caroline Bigelow Le Row, English as She Is Taught: Genuine Answers to Examination Questions in Our Public Schools:

• “England was named by the Angels.”
• “The Celts were driven out of England into Whales.”
• “Julius Caesar invaded England 400 years B.C. The English condition was in a rude state.”
• “The Brittains were the Saxons who entered England in 1492 under Julius Caesar.”
• “The Britains conquered Julius Caesar and drove him ignominiously from his dominions.”
• “The Britons founded the Druids. They ust to hold religious services out of doors.”
• “The Druids were supposed to be Roman Catholicks.”
• “The Crusaders were fanatics who fought in tournaments.”
• “The Habeas Corpus Act said that a body whether alive or dead could be produced in court.”
• “Alfred the Great reigned 872 years. He was distinguished for letting some buckwheat cakes burn and the lady scolded him.”
• “Rufus was named William on account of his red hair. He established the curfew fire bell.”
• “William the Conqueror was the first of the Mormons.”
• “Edward the black Prince was famous for founding chivalry.”
• “Chivalry is a fight on horseback between two horsemen in an open plain.”
• “A night errant is a man who goes around in the night in search of adventures.”
• “The Middle Ages come in between antiquity and posterity.”
• “The War of the Roses was between the white and the red.”
• “Henry Eight was famous for being a great widower having lost several wives.”
• “Lady Jane Grey studied Greek and Latin and was beheaded after a few days.”
• “Queen Mary married the Dolphin.”
• “Elizabeth was called the Virgin queen because of her many accomplishments and she had a great many fine dresses.”
• “The unfortunate Charles First was executed and after he was beheaded he held it up exclaiming Behold the head of a trater!”
• “Cromwell was only a parallel with Bonaparte.”
• “Queen Victoria was the 4th son of George Third the Duke of Kent.”
• “John Bright is noted for an incurable disease.”
• “Lord James Gordon Bennett instigated the Gordon Riots.”