Futility Closet

shunpike
n. a side road taken to avoid turnpike tolls or traffic

(Thanks, David.)

In 1884, America got its first serial killer. The "Servant Girl Annihilator" of Austin, Texas, would drag his victims from their beds, rape them, then kill them with an ax or a spike. In a yearlong spree he murdered at least seven women. Then he disappeared.

Three years later, Jack the Ripper surfaced in London.

See also Långrocken.

Jesse James once sought shelter at a lonely farmhouse. The widow there apologized for her poor hospitality. She said she had very little money and despaired of paying the debt collector, who was coming imminently to demand $1,400.

James gave her $1,400 and told her to get a receipt. Then he hid outside and watched the road.

The debt collector arrived, looking grim, and entered the house. A few minutes later he emerged, looking pleased.

James accosted him, took back the $1,400, and rode off.

In 1982, Howard Bergerson composed a "press conference" with Ronald Reagan using only the letters in the president's name, RONALD WILSON REAGAN. Here the Gipper describes his foreign policy:

We are sworn nonaggressors; we need law and order, we disallow war as lawless and senseless, and in a larger sense we also regard war as, now and again, needed. A needed war is no dead end or swan song, nor need we ride in war as no-good sinners on genderless geldings! We need androgens and derring-do! We need Old Glories, and seasoned soldiers garrisoned worldwide, generals in golden regalia, and raised dander! We need all-seeing, world-girdling radar, seagoing sonar and liaison ensigns, newer DEW lines and earlier NORAD warnings, larger arsenals and deadlier arrows in silos, R-and-D on lasers, and goodlier anger! We need no ring-a-ding dissensions and wild-goose rallies, nor do we need addled ding-a-ling diagnoses on wielding dread winged swords and daggers — or on wielding God's own grenades! Ordained grenadiers alone assess, and ordained godlings alone will wield Gold's sidereal grenades riding on Odin's arrows. Godless Leningrad warlords and roodless, religionless Red warriors sold on Red-engendered Warsaw agreeings are as sidling sidewinders in loose sand! In nine innings (I disdain gridiron analogies) we will win — no one is dawdling! We are leaning on oars! We and God will engage all Red raiders, and, God willing, we will win odds-on! No one dragoons or goads God!

Reagan's name can also be rearranged to spell INSANE ANGLO WARLORD.

Solution to Tableau, from Thursday:

From Henry Dudeney, who ascribes it to Sam Loyd.

2⁸ + 4⁸ + 6⁸ + 7⁸ + 8⁸ + 0⁸ + 5⁸ + 0⁸ = 24678050

In the course of some structural alterations to an ancient house near Edinburgh three unknown rooms were brought to light, bearing testimony of their last inmate. One of them had been occupied as a bedroom. The clothing of the bed was disarranged, as if it had been slept in only a few hours previously, and close by was an antique dressing-gown. How interesting it would be to know some particulars of the sudden surprise which evidently drove the owner of the garment from his snug quarters — whether he effected his escape, or whether he was captured! The walls of this buried chamber, if they could speak, had some curious story to relate.

– Allan Fea, Secret Chambers and Hiding-Places, 1908

Place two white rooks and a white knight on this board so that Black is checkmated:

The solution need not be reachable in a normal game. I'll post it tomorrow.

"Wit is educated insolence." — Aristotle

In 1394, a pig was hanged at Mortaign for having sacrilegiously eaten a consecrated wafer; and in a case of infanticide, it is expressly stated in the plaintiff's declaration that the pig killed the child and ate of its flesh, "although it was Friday," and this violation of the jejunium sextae, prescribed by the Church, was urged by the prosecuting attorney and accepted by the court as a serious aggravation of the porker's offence.

– E.P. Evans, The Criminal Prosecution and Capital Punishment of Animals, 1906