Futility Closet

At 5:12 p.m. on November 26, 1977, an unidentified voice appeared on the transmitters of Southern Television in the United Kingdom. Identifying itself as Vrillon, representative of the Ashtar Galactic Command, the voice broke in to a news broadcast to warn viewers of “the destiny of your race,” “so that you may communicate to your fellow beings the course you must take to avoid a disaster which threatens your world and the beings on other worlds around you.”

Accompanied by a deep buzzing, the voice warned against the use of nuclear weapons and stated that humanity had “but a short time to learn to live together in peace and goodwill” before it destroyed itself.

Investigators decided that pranksters were behind the broadcast, aiming a transmitter at a VHF receiver to overpower the “official” signal with a joke message.

But no one knows for sure.

“Can’t sing. Can’t act. Slightly balding. Can dance a little.” — Paramount Pictures screen test report on Fred Astaire

Unusual phobias:

• albuminurophobia: fear of kidney disease
• alliumphobia: fear of garlic
• allodoxaphobia: fear of opinions
• ancraophobia: fear of wind
• anuptaphobia: fear of staying single
• arachibutyrophobia: fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth
• atomosophobia: fear of atomic explosions
• aulophobia: fear of flutes
• aurophobia: fear of gold
• barophobia: fear of gravity
• caligynephobia: fear of beautiful women
• cherophobia: fear of gaiety
• deipnophobia: fear of dining or dinner conversations
• euphobia: fear of hearing good news
• geniophobia: fear of chins
• genuphobia: fear of knees
• hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia: fear of long words
• linonophobia: fear of string
• lutraphobia: fear of otters
• mottephobia: fear of moths
• porphyrophobia: fear of the color purple
• pteronophobia: fear of being tickled by feathers
• scriptophobia: fear of writing in public
• spheksophobia: fear of wasps
• zemmiphobia: fear of the great mole rat

Politicophobia is defined as “abnormal” dislike of politicians.

Women’s pay as a percentage of men’s:

• 1951: 63.9%
• 1960: 60.7%
• 1970: 59.4%
• 1980: 60.2%
• 1990: 71.6%
• 2000: 73.3%

In sales jobs, women still earn only 59.9% of men’s wages.

If you’re visiting Rhode Island, you might be excused for wanting to visit Jerimoth Hill: It’s the highest point in the state.

Unfortunately, you’d be taking your life in your hands. Jerimoth is private property, and it’s owned by a singularly cranky 77-year-old named Henry Richardson, who monitors the trail with motion sensors. Here’s how he’s greeted other visitors:

• Assaulted them verbally (“Shoot all the damn highpointers!” “Get the hell off my property!”)
• Threatened to break cameras
• Started fistfights
• Let the air out of their car tires
• Shot them with rock salt
• Chased them through three states by car

Under pressure, Richardson’s son agreed in 1998 to let hikers visit the highpoint on national holidays. Before that, the 812-foot rise “was considered less accessable than Mt. McKinley.”

The night was growing old
As she trudged through snow and sleet;
And her nose was long and cold,
And her shoes were full of feet.

– Anonymous

U.S. state dinosaurs:

• District of Columbia: Capitalsaurus
• Maryland: Astrodon johnstoni
• New Jersey: Hadrosaurus foulkii
• Texas: Pleurocoelus
• Wyoming: Triceratops

omphaloskepsis
n. navel-gazing

Dangerous tongue twisters:

I am not the pheasant plucker,
I’m the pheasant plucker’s mate.
I am only plucking pheasants
Because the pheasant plucker’s late.

I slit the sheet, the sheet I slit;
and on the slitted sheet I sit.

I’m not the fig plucker,
Nor the fig pluckers’ son,
But I’ll pluck figs
Till the fig plucker comes.